breaking habits | Liz Cirelli

Daydream Believers Podcast hosted by Liz Cirelli

Take a leap of faith

I find myself reflecting and contemplating a lot – especially when I’m travelling. For the last two months I’ve been in California – I came out here to attend a music production and licensing retreat hosted by my music production mentor, Gary Gray. When I booked my ticket, I booked it with the intention of going on a ‘music mission’.

I hadn’t really given much thought to the details of how that mission would unfold, but one thing was clear – I wanted the trip to be all about the music – and I wanted to stay out in California long enough to build long-lasting connections and relationships.

Let me backtrack to just before I committed to come out here. I had a little money come my way which meant that for the first time in 10 years, I was able to put something into a savings account. When Gary told me about his retreat, I wanted to go, but the fear of financial lack arose within me like a hungry snarling dog.

I use the analogy of a snarling dog, as that’s what it felt like. The ferocity of this fear was so strong that it almost totally blotted out my desire to go, to follow my heart. I say almost because an instant after I felt the ferocity of this fear, another sensation swooped over me – and this sensation spoke to me louder than the fear. It said: “you have to make this journey, Liz.” I knew this was the voice I had to listen to, not the voice of fear. The snarling dog had to be put in its place.

Despite knowing deep down that I had to say yes to the retreat and to coming to California, I still felt the fear inside me. I had more money than usual, yes – but in practice, not enough to sustain a longterm trip to the States. I didn’t know how this would work, but I knew I had to take the leap of faith.

So I did. I booked myself a one-way ticket to LA, trusting that Lady Luck would support me. Remember what I said earlier about my intention to make the trip a music mission? For it to be all about the music but that I hadn’t really given much thought to the details of how that mission would unfold?

Well, being out here and letting go of my need to be in constant control has been like me diving head first into a cornucopia. Me deliberately taking a step back and not having everything planned down to the finest detail meant that I allowed vital space for Providence to sweep in. On a practical level, I met people – who were initially complete strangers – who welcomed me into their homes and not only offered me a place to stay, but also really looked after me. These people have subsequently become very dear and special friends. Bob – I cannot thank you enough for everything!

On an artistic level, I have met some incredible people who have inspired me and helped me re-focus and redefine my goals as a music artist. New collaborations have been formed and new and very long-lasting connections have been made. I feel like my creative juices have been given a shot of turbo-powered superfood. I’m so excited for what the future holds.

I consider having goals extremely important in any endeavour, but especially when it comes to having a successful career as a creative. At the same time, I consider it important to be flexible with how those goals are achieved, and to also constantly learn and grow along the journey, redefining your goals as you go.

The people I have met, collaborated with and connected with here have reminded me of what inspires me and what my natural gifts are. This has helped me redefine my goals in accordance with what I believe to be my life’s purpose – the call of my higher self rather than the call of my ego.

Of course this means working with music, continuing my own career as a music artist, but doing it from a place of deep connection with my community (if you’re reading this email, it means you’re a part of that!) and working in a way that ultimately inspires other people to follow their dreams. I love seeing people happy, so I want to work in a way that will enable me to help more and more people along the way. I would love to eventually contribute to institutions (or set up my own!) that help children from troubled families follow their dreams of working in the music industry.

I would not have learned the lessons I’ve learned, become clearer on my goals, nor made the beautiful connections I’ve made had I not taken that leap of faith and listened to the voice of my heart over the voice of fear. Your heart will often tell you to do things that may seem crazy to you. You must listen to it. This the voice of wisdom talking to you – the voice that guides you to realise your life’s purpose.

Have the courage to take leaps of faith – it is only when we leap that we discover we’ve had wings all along.

These posts exist to provide you with the knowledge, inspiration and motivation needed to pursue your dreams. If you’d like to have your say on what topics get covered AND have your questions answered by me and/or our expert guests, simply join our community on Patreon. We really look forward to welcoming you to the family.

It’s all about acceptance

17/10/2016 by LizCirelli

Blog

acceptance, blog, breaking habits, Liz Cirelli, wellbeing, wellness

A short while ago I decided to do a 120 day blood cleanse, during which I would not eat any sugar. The process really made me examine my relationship with food – and subsequently my relationship with myself! Some of you may be aware that when I was 13, I went anorexic – and have had a very tricky relationship with food – and my body – ever since. Part of the reason for doing this blood cleanse was to heal the damage the anorexia had caused to my digestive tract. Messing around with my eating habits at such a crucial stage in my development had left me with a very weak digestive system – and food intolerances here, there & everywhere. The other part was to get over my addiction to sugar.

Over the course of the last couple of months, I have realised that my addiction to sugar was just the tip of the iceberg. It’s not just sugar I’m addicted to – it’s food in general. But it’s a funny, perverted addiction…I will turn to food as a form of comfort and eat to make myself feel better if I’m feeling low because of an external factor, but then I will as readily purposely abstain from food if I feel I have been over-indulging too much. No doubt, this yo-yo eating pattern has done nothing good for my poor digestive tract. But more importantly, it has shown me that in some way, the shadow of the anorexia still lingers. It’s an insidious and dark condition. I remember being a stick-thin teen, but looking in the mirror and seeing a fat girl. That distorted body image stayed with me until my late twenties. I now see my body for what it is when I look in the mirror (at last), but the fact that I still ‘play’ so drastically with my eating habits does seem to hint to me that the condition is still present in my psyche.

Addicts turn to their addictions for comfort, but then wind up hating themselves for having indulged. I’m no different with food. I will over-indulge, then I’ll feel thoroughly disgruntled with myself for being ‘weak’…”why the hell did I just eat that entire 200g bag of cashews?! Why couldn’t I just have a handful and put the rest of them away?!” Why indeed…I’ve been delving deeper into this…and the conclusion I’ve come to is that it’s a form of self-loathing – an inability to accept a certain aspect, or aspects of ourselves – and an inability to accept certain emotional states. It’s a lack of acceptance. I’ve recently been faced with a situation that has brought up aspects of myself and emotional states that I least like – and struggle to accept. What has this resulted in? Me turning to food to comfort myself – and distract myself from being in that emotional state – and then being dissatisfied with myself for succumbing to my addiction, resulting in yet more self loathing. A pattern is occurring here – a very destructive pattern. I’m sure part of the reason I can’t say no to food is because I literally starved myself as a developing teenager – so whenever food is around, my unconscious mind is telling me to eat it all, because it thinks I may not eat again for days. What a dichotomy!

But how to break this habit? These habits? How to make peace with those parts of my self I find the most unacceptable, those emotional states I find the most uncomfortable? Just be present with it – sit with that part of you, that emotion, without trying to analyse it, without judging it – and without judging yourself – literally, meditate on it. Sit yourself down – and just be with it – watch it – and then watch it disappear. It’s incredible how quickly it dissolves. Yes, you may have to do this over and over again, several times a day even, but over time, the pangs lessen – the grip of the addiction loosens – and acceptance slowly starts to seep in. In the many, many spiritual texts that I’ve read, they all say one thing – that it is our journey as humans to ‘find ourselves’. I think I’m actually finally beginning to understand what this means – it’s about getting to know every single aspect of ourselves – and completely accepting – and loving – each and every part. Yes sure, there is still a 13 year old Liz inside me who is terrified of being the ‘fat girl’ – and yes, there is a part of me that’s absolutely petrified of the unknown. Sure, there’s the angry, resentful wrathful woman too…but rather than battle with these aspects of myself, hating them & wishing they weren’t there, I will now give myself time to sit with them, to be present with them – and learn to accept them as part of who I am. And they’re all ok.

Thank you so much for coming here and taking the time out to have a read. If you’d like to get early access to all my blog posts, musical output – and get access to my coaching community, please join my Patreon page by clicking here. It’s where all the action is happening! You can sign up quickly and easily and as a patron, you’ll receive some really lovely rewards. Big love, Liz.